The Way I'am Now
by Emma White
Summary: Set after Captivate. After Nick is taken, Zara must deal with her depression, her choices impact on her family and friends, and most of all her role as Astley's Queen. Nick/Zara/Astley. Rated T though may change.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys so I noticed that there wasn't a lot of Need fan fictions so I thought about what I wanted to happen and I came up with at 4 in the morning. Yea I'm a insomniac. If you see any mistakes let me know and be sure to review, cause I don't know if I should keep going with this or make it a oneshot. First fanfic. Thanks :)**

**The Way I am Now**

I'm dreaming. I know I'm dreaming because Nicks here. We are back at that house except its different, the body's of the dead are gone and the blood has been wiped clean from the walls and floor. And Nick, oh Nick, is alive and well standing by the stairs waiting for me. He looks so perfect and I want to run to him, to wrap my arms around him, to kiss his lips and stare into those beautiful brown eyes.

But I don't.

My body doesn't move. Then I feel a different pair of arms wrap around my waist, blue arms. "Mine now," a voice whispers against my neck. This voice is so familiar, so pleasant, its like a gentle caress to my ears. Astley.

Astley starts to trail kisses down my neck and it feels so good, I sigh and lean into his lips. My body presses closer to his as he gently sucks on my skin.

I _**Need **_more of his touch.

I _**Need**_ more of his lips on me.

I _**Need**_ Him.

The Need Fills my mind and its all I can think about, all I want to think about. A noise from the stairs brings me back out of my trance, and there Nick but he's not human anymore, he's changed into the wolf. The wolf snarls at Astley and me. Glaring at us, at me with hurt filled eyes.

Cassidy appears at the top of the stairs and walks down to stand beside wolf Nick. She glare's at me with a smile on her face "Honestly how did you think this was going to end."

YYYY

I wake up with a start, sweat covering my body and my heart pounding in my chest. Astley, who was standing at the window, rushes over to my side. "Zara are you ok?"

"Yea I'm Fine" I say, although my voice is just barely a whisper. My heart is still racing as I try to get it back to a regular pace. "I'm fine I say again," this time a little louder.

"Your emotions were all over the place, what happened." he says taking my hand into his.

"Nothing." I say jerking my hand away from his, "I just need a moment." I get out of bed and rush towards the bathroom, adjusting my glamour as I go. I splash cold water on my face, but my body is still hot, still sweaty, still…..Needy.

"What's happening to me."


	2. Chapter 2

New Life/half life

3 days ago my life ended. My human life did anyway, funny how with a single kiss that can be taken away. It's been three days since nick was taken from me, since Issie saw Sumter students being dragged from a bus into the forest, since my family and friends were attacked. Three days since I became one of those things that had killed and hurt so many people in my life. Since I could see my (true) self in a mirror.

Three days and my life had totally and undeniable changed.

I couldn't see Betty, not that I didn't want to but because I didn't know if I could face her the way I am now. I know it's stupid and that she must be worried sick about me, she's called a number of times but I couldn't find the guts to speak to her. What would I say really that your granddaughter has become the thing you probably hate the most in the world. I know she knows this by now but I don't want to face her just yet, not when I can't even face myself without the use of glamour.

So I stay away from her and let her calls go to voice mail, just sending texts every now and then to tell her I'm ok that I'm still Zara, a very different, very pixie Zara, but still the same girl. Mom calls to let me know that she's alright, that my father has not found her yet. These conversations last little more than a minute and telling about her what happened to me is not something I wish to do over the phone at least not while she's on the run.

Because of a string of snow storms school has been called off until further notice, considering how terrible I felt at the dance without Nick this is probably a good thing. To see all the other couples (now including Issie and Devyn) walk from their cars hand in hand, kissing each other, dancing like there's no one else in the world but them. It leaves me feeling empty and sick in my stomach.

My dreams are no real escape either for each one is filled with dead bodies, of burning plains, of blue lips, and wer teeth.

When I return to the room Astley is still sitting on my bed, with his glamour on, not looking at me until I sit on the bed right beside him. "We won't be staying here for much longer," his says eye's finally finding mine "I bought a house on the outskirts of Bedford, it pretty big if you wish to join us there." By us he meant pixie's in his control. In the past few days I was introduced to ten or twelve of his most trusted advisor's and all of them were kind, respectful, and maybe a little to human since none of them let down there glamour around me. Even Astley rarely let down his glamour even when we're not in public, which I know he does for me so I can adjust. So I can get to know them before I judge them just because they are pixie's, which makes me feel like a bigot.

"Maybe I'll take you up on that, since Betty may kick me out for turning." I say this like it's a joke, but deep down im 100% serious. Betty was a Wer, a sworn enemy of pixie's and for a good reason, pixies are absolute monsters, at least some of them are. Like all things in this world, like humans, there is a good and evil and in cases like my father there was a silver lining.

"Your grandmother would never do such a thing," he says smiling at me with sure confidence.

"And how do you figure that."

"Because she love's you."

**Sappy ending i know. And sorry for the "catch up" chapter but it seemed necessary for me to map out what happened before moving on with the story. Sorry it took me longer to do decide on this then i thought. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Betty**

Flying was never one of my favorite activates, not as a human, not now as a pixie. Sure you can tell yourself that you're going to be ok, that you are more likely to be eaten by a shark or stuck by lightning then falling to your death thousands of feet in the air**. **But the second you hit turbulence that comfort disappears and you reminded just how far you can fall.

Aviophobia

fear of flying.

"Ok were landing," Astley warns has we go in for our final descent. His feet hit the ground and stumbles only slightly before he corrects himself. "I think I'm getting better at this." he says relived he hadn't sent us both face first in the snow.

He gently pulls my arms away from his neck, which I realize I had been holding onto rather tightly, and sits me down in to the snow. "You ok?"

"Yea just a little nervous I guess," I say looking up towards the house. Betty's House. My home.

"Betty would never hurt you," he assures me.

"I know that its just…how am I supposed to face her? I cant even look at myself." Astley places his hand under my chin and lifts it so I can see into his eyes.

"You are my Queen, you can over come this," his green eye's bear into mine and I can feel myself getting lost in them. He smile's at me before dropping his hand from my face. "I will be outside if you should need me"

"Wait…," I say tearing myself away from his gaze, " Your not coming in with me?"

"Like I said, I have no doubt that Betty would never harm you. But she would probably rip me into several pieces."

"Your right," I sigh, before turning to go. "Oh and Astley, you landings are getting much better." I smile and running towards the house.

Despite Astleys words of encouragement it took every thing I had to walk onto the porch and ring the doorbell. I don't know why I bothered with the bell she already knew I was there. Hell, she probably smelled Astley and me from a mile away. But I wanted to see if she actually wanted to talk to me.

The door opened and my grandmother flew out wrapping her arms around me and crushing me to her body. "Where in the name of God have you been! You have me worried sick," she pulls me away from her chest just long enough to look at me before crushing me to her again.

"I'm sorry Betty," I say wrapping my arms around her. We both stood on the porch for several minutes before pulling away.

"Come in, we have a lot to talk about," she says before thrusting me into the house. Astley had been right, to Betty it didn't matter what I was. I was still very much Zara and family was family. However that didn't mean that she wasn't about to tear me a new one.

"I cant believe you would just run off like that," she says while pouring me a cup of tea. The house had remained exactly the same as I left it. Of course it did I had only been gone for three days I tell myself. However sitting on the couch reminded me of memories that right now I wasn't ready to go into. "and then I have to hear from Issie that your ok. Don't you think I deserve a little bit more then that."

"I know and your right but I didn't…I didn't want…...," I didn't want her to think of me as a freak. As a monster. As a pixie. I didn't have to say the words, she knew what I meant. We are family after all, blood related or not, my grandma could still read me like a open book.

"Zara you are my granddaughter and even though I would like nothing better then to scream at you and tear this Astley limb from limb, I understand the decision you have made." She sits down beside me and smiles at me. "So how exactly are we going to get Nick back."

"WHAT THE HELL DO MEAN HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO GET THERE!," Betty screamed as she passing across the room. "I cant believe this, so the little bastard lie's to you, gets you to turn and then tells you he doesn't know how to get to Valhalla. I going to rip him apart!" In all her life Zara had never seen her grandmother so angry about anything.

"I'll find a way to get Nick back, but in order to do that I have to be stronger. I couldn't protect anyone the way I was, know I can."

"But at what cost?"

**Sorry for the delay guys, I wanted this to be out much sooner but I had exams to study for. Hopefully now I can start concentrating on the story and have longer chapters for you. Having problems with the format.**


	4. Chapter 4

Nick

When Nick woke up the first thing that flooded his mind was pain. Extreme and overbearing. There was voices in the room but it all seemed to be foreign to him. The voices became louder and only increased in volume until he couldn't think anymore. Then pain intensified growing as the voice in his head did. Then all of a sudden it was gone. The pain and the voice.

When Nick opened his eyes he discovered he was in a Spartan style room, with only a bowl of water, a small tote bed he was lying on, and a candle that rested on a stool. There was no window and only one exit, which was locked.

"Hello can anyone hear me?" he asked banging on the door. No one answered.

"Zara, Devon, Issie are you out there?" Nothing.

Getting angry now Nick hit the door with his fist sending a sharp pain running up his arm and causing him to fall back over.

"I really wouldn't do that if I was you." came a voice.

"Who said that?" again he met with only silence. Nick temper was getting better of him. He had no idea where he was or how he even got there or where his friends are and most importantly if Zara was ok. Did the pixie king capture them, has Zara already become his queen. The thought made his stomach twist.

"Where am I?"

"Can you really not figure it out little Wer?" the voice mocked him this time, only it seemed closer then what is was before.

"Who are you? Whose there?"

"Such a stupid little Wer."

"Shut up and show yourself!" Nicks body shuddered in anger. He wanted to ask this thing (whatever it was) where he was, but now he also wanted to rip the thing in half while doing it.

" You Wer's get riled up to easily." Nick spun around to find a very tall boy standing beside him. "Honestly now I'm here for two minutes and your already to rip out my throat."

Nick lunged at the boy and pinned him down against the wall. "Where the Hell am I and Who the hell are you?"

"Well well aren't we a feisty one." the boy laughed, "But I can be feisty too" Nick felt a sharp pain in his stomach making him release the boy from his grasp. Then before he had time to respond the boy grabbed both of his arms and twisted them behind his back before bringing Nick down to the floor.

"I think we should get things straight here" he said as Nick struggled in vain to get out of his grip. "I don't take orders from you so if you are going to ask me a question it better be after or followed by a "please". Something like 'Oh great and wise one will you please answer my question although it is of no importance to you?,'" the boy twisted Nick arms back until the pain was so great he was sure it was about to pop, then they released and Nick was no longer pinned to the floor.

"But since you are new here I will answer your rude question and let this slide." the boy lifted Nick up and with out effort tossed him to his bed on the other side of the room. "So as for where you are and who I am, my name is Loki and welcome to Valhalla," then the boy disappeared.


	5. Chapter 5

Astley

The woods around the house lay quite. The pixies that had been surrounding Zara's home for the past three days seemed left, but he knew better then to think they would leave with out a fight. Right now they were probably planning there revenge on _His queen, _with there new king.

Although this meant that Zara's grandmother could safely go to work with a police escort, it also meant that the battle for this territory would most likely become a full scale war, and since the Valarie's were here it also meant that this war could very well be the last one.

He did not know how many pixies had joined the other king, but out of the pixies that were trapped in the house Astley meet 23 and recruited 10, the other thirteen he killed, swiftly and as painlessly as he could make it.

Killing was easy now. Everything was easier in fact. Fighting, flying, even illusions that used to take him hours to conjure he could do in less then a minute. But he gained another thing from taking Zara as his queen.

_Need. _

_He needed her._

He never wanted anything more in his entire life and that scared the hell out of him.

Astley rested his head against the trunk of the tree he was in, watching the house below him. Zara was still there, still safe, talking to her grandmother as if she had never left. As if she had never been turned pixie at all. Family was still family no matter what the other person was. Good thing too considering in the next couple of days family is going to be playing a very key part in the war.

"Have you checked all the area's surrounding the town?" to the man that had just stepped out from snow covered wood.

"Yes, my king, all area are secure no signs of the other king or his minions." the man said after climbing up to him.

"And is the house ready?"

"Yes sir, but would have not made more since to have just taken up residents in the former kings home? You have in fact clamed his daughter so you have every right to his land."

"That house would have definitely been more accommodating to us yes. But It has already been seen by the other king. Every weak point has been examined every safe guard analyzed and broken. Beside would you honestly want to live in the place were so many were held captive and in some cases died.?"

"At the expense for having my own room I might let the safety and blood thing slide." the pixie man replied happily.

"I did mention that we had rented other housing around the town and outskirts in order to accommodate everyone?"

"Oh thank God, I was not looking forward to sleep on the floor."

"I'd imagine not. Tell the other to start gathering there things but don't check out at the same time. We have to be as inconspicuous as possible."

"Yes sir." with that the other pixie climbed down the tree and hurried through the forest.

The woods where still quiet, Zara was still safe. Astley jumped from his perch and landed perfectly on the ground. He walked to the house and slowly knocked on the door. The door was immediately opened by Betty "YOU ARE NOT INVITED." she boomed the minute the door was opened.

"Hello Mrs. White, I actually just needed to talk to Zara." Astley said while taking a few cautionary steps back from the Wer-tiger.

"Betty Its fine." Zara's voice came from behind Betty, who completely blocked her from view. The Older woman snarled but made no attempt to move. "Betty please he's fine, he saved my life remember."

"So he could turn you Zara, he's a very manipulative little monster now isn't he." The venom coming from her voice made Astley flinch and he had to stop himself form taking another step back.

"Grandma please."

Betty snarled again but turned her head toward Zara. "He is not coming inside." She moved back into the house. Leaving Zara and Astley alone in the door way.


End file.
